When my daughter was 8 years old, she made a sign out of construction paper stating, “You Can Shine” and taped it to our kitchen wall. Over 10 years later, this work of art remains fixed on our kitchen wall and it acts as a daily reminder that it is, indeed, okay to shine!
I sometimes think that my daughter saw something in me that I wasn’t able to see myself back then: That I was unconsciously holding myself back from living my best life, from truly letting my light shine. Even though I had spent over 20 years as a performer, literally on stage in the spotlight, I was nonetheless plagued by the unconscious need to keep parts of myself hidden.
Having grown up with a lot of developmental and attachment trauma, I now know that for most of my life I carried the burdens of guilt and shame for early life experiences that I was blaming myself for. I was trying to shine by choosing a career in the performing arts, but I was simultaneously terrified of being exposed for the terrible, shameful person I secretly believed I was.
As a licensed therapist in New York City, I also now know that self-blame and unconscious feelings of guilt and shame are all too common for people who experience early life adversity in their families of origin. On one hand, we want to be seen, known and understood. On the other hand, the fear and insecurity of being fully known, inside and out, intensely shapes our lives. It can limit our ability to connect to others, feel confident in the world, and well, to let our light shine bright.
Through my own therapy journey, I’ve learned to let myself be seen and known within the context of a supportive, non-judgmental therapeutic relationship. Developing mindful awareness and psychological flexibility, I began to see and relate to those disavowed parts of myself with compassion, rather than with fear and judgment. And becoming willing to acknowledge and heal those parts of myself that I had hidden away, allowed me to risk deeper levels of intimacy with others and freed me to express myself more honestly and openly.
In other words, therapy gave me permission to start shining.
If you’ve been curious about therapy, but aren’t sure what to expect, I hope this personal story can provide some context. Therapy isn’t easy or a quick fix, but it can provide a safe space where you can learn to shine more brightly. Mindfulness-based, multicultural-focused therapy provides just the right amount of skills-building for you to get past imposter syndrome and enjoy the life you’ve worked so hard to create.
If you’re ready to discover the power of therapy to unleash your inner brilliance and embrace a brighter future, reach out to us today and let’s get started. Because, just like my daughter reflected to me: You Can Shine.